White Blank Page
by Rinienne
Summary: "I woke up in a hospital, had no idea what happened and who I am, I was told I fight ghosts and demons, then a guy in a trench coat tells me he is an angel... So yeah, I probably don't make any sense. Sorry for inconvenience." Dean/Castiel, NC-17.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** White Blank Page  
><strong>Author:<strong> Rinienne  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC17  
><strong>Genre:<strong> romance, hurt/comfort, amnesia.  
><strong>PairingCharacters:** Dean/Castiel, Sam, Bobby, Crowley, some minor OFC  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Set right before "The Mommy Dearest", has spoilers for 6.19, 6.20.  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> detailed description of M/M sex, swearing.  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 17k overall  
><strong>Beta:<strong> Unbeta'ed, all mistakes are my own, if you notice something obvious, I would be happy if you point it out.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> "I woke up in a hospital, had no idea what happened and who I am, I was told I fight ghosts and demons, then a guy in a trench coat tells me he is an angel. My head hurts like hell and I feel like puking. So yeah, I probably don't make any sense. Sorry for inconvenience."

**Notes:** The title borrowed from a song of Mumford and Sons. English isn't my native.

**White Blank Page**

**Prologue**

He woke up because a bright ray of the sun was peaking trough the curtains, nestling on his face. He tried to turn on another side, dodging the annoying light, but the move echoing in his head with an exquisite pain. He writhed his face and slowly opened his eyes, trying to look around and determine his situation. At first everything he could see was a mix of bright light and blurry images, but with time passing his sight started to improve. Now it was possible to understand that he was resting on a bed in a small room with white walls, surrounded by several metal boxes with hundreds of small green and red lights and monitors. From the left side of his bed there was a metal pole with a plastic pack filled with transparent liquid and a thin tube branching from it. The woken up man followed the tube all way down to his arm, where it was merging with an expressive looking needle, taped to his vein.

The place where he woke up was most likely a hospital, but how had he gotten here he didn't remember. Well, if to think about it, he even didn't remember who exactly he was.

"You finally woke up?" Someone said, the voice reaching from another side of his bed. The man made another effort and turned his head, meeting his gaze with a young woman in a pastel blue doctor uniform. The woman was young, slender, with chestnut hair, nattily gathered in a ponytail, with deep gray eyes and a pretty smile. It was this kind of a doctor any normal man would be happy to be in her charge. The girl moved to his bed and took a clip board from the foot of his bed. "Your name is Dean, right?" She smiled, looking at some notes.

Dean. It sounded somewhat familiar, but the man wasn't sure. He narrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember, but he couldn't and decided to go with the name the doctor announced. If it was Dean, so let it be Dean. Man nodded, trying to put a sly smile on his face, looking the pretty doctor in the eyes. Well, Dean was flirting. He wasn't sure where it came from, because he still felt like shit, with all his body aching in pain. But it was somewhat a reflex, something that came out of nowhere, without him in control. Had he been flirting often? Man even didn't know how he looked like at this point, he only hoped he was handsome enough to not seem like an idiot. The doctor turned her head and smiled awkwardly. Oh wow, he probably was really good at it.

"What happened?" Dean asked with an effort as his jaw was hurting like if someone hit him pretty hard.

The doctor girl changed her face back to more serious, but still smiley as she turned her gaze back to the man. "You fell from a staircase." She explained. "It wasn't anything too serious, just a simple brain concussion, several bruises there and there, not even a single bone broken. You brother brought you here."

Brother? Dean had a brother. This though brought him some sort of warm feelings, but other than that Dean couldn't remember anything. Was it an older brother, or was it a younger one? Was he close to him or it was this kind of relationship when you live in the same town, see each-other once a month and send postcards every holyday, only because it's a tradition. But if to consider it was the brother who brought him to the hospital, they must've been friendly enough. Oh, great. Dean even didn't remember what his brother's name was.

"Is… is he here?" Dean asked. "I'm afraid, I have a problem."

The doctor girl smiled as she moved closer to Dean and started to check his pulse. "What kind of problem?" She asked, taking a small flashlight pointing it into Dean's eyes, checking the reaction. At the end she extracted a thermometer from a plastic case and shoved it into man's month.

"I… I don't remember anything…"


	2. Chapter 2

**White Blank Page**

**Part 1**

The doctor looked on him with a surprise. She blinked several times and nodded: "I think I will need to talk to your brother about it. But really, don't worry, it happens. It is only a temporary condition." She added smiling before leaving the ward and Dean with his thoughts.

The room was empty not for too long although, as a very tall guy, rushed through the door. The doctor girl was fallowing him, trying to stop and mumbling something like: "he should rest some more", and "you will scare him if you won't calm down first."

"Can you just leave us alone, please?" asked the tall guy. The air on his face was intimidating and a question sounded more like an order then a suggestion. If to sum it up with the fact the guy was just huge, it had an expected effect.

The doctor sighed, looking the other man in the eyes and then nodded: "Take your time then, call me if you need something." And she hurried out from the ward.

Right after two brothers were left alone, the tall guy rushed towards the bed.

"Dean, are you all right? Holly crap, I was worried! The doctor said you have an amnesia, how are you? What do you remember?" The taller guy was just keeping asking questions, not even giving Dean a chance to reply. Than he probably noticed his brother's panicking look and slowed down: "Ok, let's start from the beginning," he said, "what do you remember?"

Dean looked at his brother into his green eyes. He perfectly knew that this guy was in fact his brother, but only because the doctor said so. Other than that nothing in this person was familiar to him. "Nothing" he finally said after a pause.

"Ok, it's actually no much to remember. We were fighting demons in this old mention on the edge of the town. You see, at firs we thought that it was a ghost, but it turned out to be something else, than one of them threw you pretty hard from the second floor."

Dean's eyes were growing wider and wider with every word. Dean had no idea what was going wrong with this guy, but the things he was saying, they just couldn't be true. Who the hell would believe in ghost, demons? What next, he will say that vampires and werewolves were real? Own brother was sure making fun of him right now.

"Demons? We were hunting demons?" He reacquired. "Well, I was told I fell down from a staircase."

"Well, yeah. You couldn't actually expect me to tell the truth when I brought you here, could you?"

"Are you sure it was me, who hit the head, cause it sure sounds like you're the one who need medical treatment."

A very noticeable note of surprise crossed the taller man's face. He looked at his brother with a piercing gaze, like he was trying to read his mind. This kind of look made Dean gulp. "You're… really don't remember anything?" He finally spoke.

Dean turned his head away, looking now at a white wall and sighed: "I remember that we live on planet Earth. I remember this thing I'm laying at is a bed. And as we both speak English, I assume we live in the United States. Not in England, cause we don't have this soft watery accent. But everything else – my past life, people around me, my habits and preferences… I even don't know what your name is."

The other man suddenly took Dean's hand in his own and gave him a reassuring squeeze. The weave of warmth filled Dean's whole body, making him relax. He maybe didn't remember his brother, but now he knew somehow, that this was a person he could trust with own life.

"Everything will be fine, Dean, I promise." His brother said. And Dean believed it sincerely.

~ooo~

Several more days Dean spent in the hospital. Sam, which was the name of his younger brother, was staying by his side the whole time, leaving the older Winchester only during the nights or to buy something to eat. Other times Sam was telling stories from the past, about their father, about what he taught them and what they were doing for life. But those stories were rare, because Sam, as he explained, didn't want to go fast, letting Dean to slowly digest every bit of information.

At the end of the third day Sam explained that they couldn't stay in the hospital any longer. Dean still felt sore and his head was still aching as hell, every time he was making any kind of movement, but the fake credit card his brother had been using could bring them a lot of troubles if they were to stay any longer.

After they signed out from the hospital and some pretty much useless advises from this very attractive doctor girl Dean was finally able to see the sunlight from another side of the window. The day was bright, warm and little bit windy. Dean made several notes about how wonderful it felt to being able to smell something else than the spirit and chloride which was distinctive for any kind of medical establishment. This air smelt like dust, like gasoline mixed with sweet savor of fresh pastry and it made Dean to feel buzzed like from a bottle of good beer. Even his head now felt lighter and less aching.

And then Dean noticed it. No, not it – _**her**_. She was standing in the middle of parking lot, surrounded by several more fancy cars, but all this cars looked faded and washy comparing by the perfect shine of her black sides, by the prim lines and curves of her shape. It was an old model of Chevrolet, but it was clear as day, how much love and attention her owner had been putting in her, because this baby looked like she rolled from the assembly line just yesterday.

Dean slightly poked Sam with his elbow in attempt to catch his attention. "Look at this baby!" He said, nearly whispering, as he pointed at the Impala. "Her owner must be a luckiest guy!"

At this words Sam actually chuckled as he reached his pocket and extracted a key chain. "Dude! It's your car!" He said with a wide smile.

Dean couldn't believe those words. He came closer to his car and pressed his palms over hot black surface like he was actually trying to pet her. She was gorgeous.

After several hours of driving they finally arrived to Bobby's place. Dean really felt weird sitting on the passenger seat, while his brother was driving, but he let Sam to do it anyway, because he perfectly knew that the other man had a point. Dean was in no condition to drive even if he remembered how to do it. Dean felt a really deep trust towards his brother, but the whole ride he spent like on wires, and was able to relax only when they finally arrived to their destination.

The house when they appeared looked old and shabby. Dean knew that this house belonged to a guy named Robert Singer, or simply Bobby, who had been a good friend of his and his brother's father. Dean knew that he used to be here very often, but he just couldn't remember it as well, as anything else.

Bobby met brothers on the doorway, inviting them inside the house. It was a man in his late fifties, with short beard, dressed in worn set of clothes and a cap, which looked like it already deserved its rest in a trash can.

"I made Dean a bed on the couch" He informed, when they finally were in.

For some reasons Dean perfectly remembered the layout of the house, even if everything inside seemed new and unfamiliar. He made his way towards the library, trying to ignore the unpleasant smell of book dust and alcohol in the room and settled himself on the prepared bed. At least sheets smelled nice and fresh, so he could just burry his nose in the pillow, inhaling the tender aroma of lilac and lavender – the standard specter of a simple laundry soap.

"Aren't you gonna argue, saying that you feel perfect and don't need the bed rest?" The older man grumped with a surprise in his tone.

"My head aches like a bitch, my whole body is still sore. And I keep falling asleep from time to time." Dean mumbled with his eyes closed. "Why would I argue?"

"Looks like this idjit hit his head harder then it seemed." Bobby sighed. "So, you're telling that he doesn't remember anything?" This time the older hunter addressed to Sam.

"Nothing important at least." Sam replied. "I just wonder, can we mojo his memories back somehow?"

Dean was listening to their conversation, making some notes, but most of the time he couldn't follow it propriety. It seemed that two other guys were talking in some sort of secret language which was understandable only for a closed group of people. Dean was pretty sure, that once he had also been in the same group, but right now it all seemed so distant.

"Have you tried to call Cas?" Bobby asked moving his gaze from Dean to Sam.

"I have, but the bastard doesn't answer."

"Well, it seems like we will have to deal with it ourselves, then." Bobby sighed as he moved towards the kitchen. The younger Winchester glanced at his brother one more time and followed his older friend.

Dean was left alone laying on the couch. The unpleasant smell of the study slowly started to fade, but mostly because Dean started to get used to it. Even with the fact Dean lost all his memories, this old room felt very familiar, safe, in fact the older Winchester felt very comfortable here, even with the unpleasant smell. He turned on his side and slid one of his hands under the pillow. For some reasons it seemed like something was missing, like his hand should have got a hold on something under it, but Dean couldn't distinguish what exactly should have it been. He changed his position several more times, trying to find the one which was the most comfortable, before his consciousness slowly started to fade into darkness.

~ooo~

Dean had been awoken by a very pleasant smell, wafting from the kitchen area. He slowly moved himself into a sitting position, fighting the ache in his head. For a split moment he was considering to return back to sleep, but the smell was too good to ignore, so he made another afford and stood on his feet completely. The room reeled around him for a moment, but then returned to its normal condition and Dean slowly moved towards the kitchen.

"You woke up? How did you sleep?" His brother inquired.

Both Sam and Bobby were fussing around the cooking counter of the kitchen, conjuring something, which smelt delicious.

Dean walked towards an empty chair, settling himself on it and yawning. "Pretty well. Way better than in the hospital by the way. What is for dinner?" He asked sniffing the air.

"At least the boy has his usual appetite!" The older man smirked.

"Perfect, we will start with a salad!" Sam smiled wide as he placed a plate filled with green leaves and pieces of cold chicken before Dean.

Dean glanced at the salad, narrowing his eyebrows. "I don't want to eat it." He said after a moment of examination.

"I told you, ya idjit." Bobby sighed. "There is no kind of brain damage which will make your brother to eat healthier food."

Sam sighed in defeat and moved the salad to his side as he started to crunch on green leaves. Dean smirked to himself, because for same reasons Sam's face seemed to him very funny. Although all his thoughts about his brother disappeared as another plate with chili appeared before his nose.

"Eat up, boy." The older man smiled warmly. Dean didn't need another invitation.

The world diffidently seemed way brighter for Dean as his stomach was full with the best chili in the country. For some reasons Dean was absolutely sure in this statement. Slowly he stood up from the chair and moved towards the sink with an empty plate (which had already been refilled twice, before Dean decided he couldn't fit any more chili in his stomach). May be Dean was still pretty sick, but he sure could do something nice for someone who just fed him with this awesome dish, so he opened the water and grabbed the sponge from the corner of the sink.

But Dean hardly had any time before a sound of something rustling disturbed him from what he was doing.

"Hello, Dean" He heard behind his back. The voice was unfamiliar, and the fact that this someone suddenly appeared right behind him, made Dean jump on one place, backing off away from the stranger. The sudden movement echoed in his head with sharp pain. The room started to fade into a blur and shake around him. On his way his foot balked into something, tripping him and Dean started to fall down.

The pair of strong hands caught his body on a half way and helped him to return back into a standing position, but the whole world was still swimming around him, making the older Winchester paint and tremble. Dean's knees felt way too soft to stand on his own so, his hands grabbed the closest support point without hunter's permission and didn't allow removing themselves from it.

When the world started to calm down around him, Dean realized that he was clenching into the man who just a few moments ago appeared in the room out of thin air. His heart leaped in his chest but he found himself unable to move for the moment. He barely glanced at two other men, but didn't find any note of fear or surprise towards the unexpected guest, only some worry about Dean's own condition, so the older Winchester decided to go with it.

The person holding him was wearing a tan trench coat over a black business suite. He appeared to be somewhat around thirty-thirty five years old, with short black hair and piercing blue eyes, which were fixed on Dean's face. For some reason man looked totally comfortable with their rather intimate position, which made the situation look a bit weird for the hunter.

Dean had to force himself to try to separate from the other man, surprisingly he noticed that the guy was actually helping him this that. Not in a way, that he wanted to shove Dean away, but in a very supportive, making sure Dean won't fall down after he was no longer holding into him. But even after Dean was finally standing on his own, the other man didn't move away, invading Dean's personal space (if you could call those several inches between them so), like it was totally normal for him.

"The heck?" Dean blurred out when he finally remembered the fact that he could speak.

"Well, Dean, it is Castiel, or simply Cas!" Sam chuckled. "Cas, its Dean. But you probably have better memory on faces!"

Dean moved his glance from his brother to Bobby and back to the shorter man. Castiel was standing still, looking at Dean's face with his head tilted to one side. The situation was very compromising. Dean gulped as his eyes slid down from the other man's eyes to his nose and down on his chopped lips. His heart started to leap fast in his chest as he suddenly realized how close this man was actually standing to him. Dean could actually feel the warmth radiating from Castiel's body even through several layers of both men clothes.

"He has a brain damage" Castiel said suddenly with deep and low voice.

"Well, yeah, Sherlock! That is why I've been calling you for three days?" Sam mumbled with irritation.

Finally Castiel moved his glance from Dean's face to look at the younger Winchester. "I'm in the middle of a war, Sam. I cannot afford to fly down on earth every time you cut a finger."

"I think a brain damage which led to the memory lose is something more serious that a finger cut!" Sam protested.

"Anyway, you're already here, can you fix the boy?" Bobby asked.

"Wo-wo-wow!" Dean gasped. He was totally lost in the conversation, even with a fact it was all about him. The fact that conversation was about him, actually was only making it worse. "Easy, here. Can someone explain me, what the hell is going on? Who is this guy? What war? How can he fix me?"

Castiel narrowed his eyebrows again, examining Dean. Suddenly the hunter noticed a very small hint of something in his eyes. Was it disappointment? Disappointment with a fact Dean didn't remember him? It was something similar what Dean could see in Sam's eyes, when the guy found out his brother had amnesia and couldn't remember him, but in this case it was somewhat different. Deeper.

"_Oh my god…"_ Dean thought. His brain had maybe been injured, but it still could sum two and two together. Castiel was standing so close, he didn't feel uncomfortable with Dean clenching onto him, and now he was hurt because Dean couldn't remember him. _"I must have something with this guy…"_

"He is an angel, Dean" Sam explained.

"An angel?" Dean felt how his mouth opened in shock, but he couldn't control it. He looked at Castiel again and then turned his gaze away fixing it on the floor. "An angel… like an _**Angel**_ angel?" He asked.

"You don't make any sense, Dean." Castiel admitted.

"Yeah, I woke up in a hospital, had no idea what happened and who I am, I was told I fight ghosts and demons, then a guy in a trench coat tells me he is an angel. My head hurts like hell and I feel like puking. So yeah, I probably don't make any sense." He blurred out. "Sorry for inconvenience, guys." He added sarcastically.

Castiel sighed and reached out for Dean's forehead with his fingers. At first Dean jerked away a little, but then relaxed under a soothing touch. Suddenly he started to feel, like something alien started to intrude into his consciousness. It was like a weave of warmth, which quickly filled him, wrapped around his whole existence. Dean perfectly comprehended that in real time it was less than a second after Castiel's finger touched his skin, but for what he felt it was like an eternity.

And then the alien present started to let go if him, to retreat. Dean wasn't sure what to do, he felt like he just could be passive and let it go, but he didn't want to. So he just clenched into it, like he clenched into angel's coat not so long ago, refusing to let the pleasant feeling leave him. He wasn't sure how he was doing it, he wasn't sure why, but he just felt like doing is, so he did.

And then he met angel's eyes, noticing that they now were filled with astonishment and surprise. Seeing something like this, Dean suddenly dropped whatever was filling him. Castiel jerked his hand from Dean's forehead, looking at the hunter with a mix of fright and amusement. Dean even wasn't sure how someone could mix these two feelings, but Castiel probably could.

"This… is not what… usually happens." The angel finally announced. And next eye blink Castiel was gone, leaving three men to stare at the empty spot he was standing a second ago.

Dean had to suppress a mewl coming from his throat with the lost he felt. Lake this guy, this angel just took a little part of himself with him, leaving Dean empty.

"Dean!" Sam called, rushing towards his brother and grabbing him by shoulders. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Dean glanced at his brother and shook his head. Surprisingly it didn't hurt. His headache and dizziness disappeared totally and his body also felt perfect, like he hadn't been sick at the first place. "Wow…" he whispered, looking at his brother. "I feel awesome!" Dean smiled wide, as he no longer suffered from anything.

"Do you remember everything now?" The older hunter inquired.

Dean tried to pull any memory in his head, but no matter how hard he tried, did didn't remember anything beyond the past three days. "Nope," he admitted, "I still don't remember a thing."

~ooo~

It's been already a late night, when the old hunter wished the two brothers good night and disappeared upstairs. Sam was sitting in the study, behind the table with several old looking books around him and looked pretty tired. Dean on other hand was already laying in his bad, but felt totally awake, because he had enough sleep during the day, so he was just staring at the ceiling devoted by his thoughts.

The whole story still seemed so unreal and if he hadn't been given a chance to witness something supernatural himself, he would still probably had doubts about the honesty of his brother's words. So, he was a hunter, who was traveling around the country, killing evil spawns and protecting innocent people, who once even stopped the Apocalypse together with his brother, Bobby and this angel guy. Dean still had a huge question in his head and he wasn't sure how he supposed to get the answer on it. He took a deep breath and spoke: "Hey Sammy," he said, "you know me from the childhood, right?"

Sam torn his eyes from the book he was reading and looked at his brother. "Yeah, I know you for as long as I remember myself. Why do you ask?"

"Umm… so we know a lot about each-other," Dean continued, "like even private stuff, right?"

Sam narrowed his eyebrows, giving his brother a surprised look. "Um, well, you've never been a sharing kind of person, Dean." He admitted. "Why do you ask?"

Dean nervously scratched his cheek and took a deep breath. For some reasons it was really difficult to talk about something like this with own brother. "Are me and this Cas guy… are we like… "

"Are you like what, Dean?"

"Like together…" Dean finished.

For a moment Sam was silent. He was gazing his own brother with confusion. "Together, like…" he started but didn't' finish, as like he was waiting a conformation of his thoughts.

"Do I sleep with him?" Dean finally blurred annoyingly.

Dean noticed how Sam's jaw slowly started to drop, making his face even longer than it was before. Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but the shock was preventing him from it. "I… have no idea, Dean." He finally managed to pull from himself. "I mean, for what I know, you like girls, and your usual attitude towards Cas is not exactly full of love and devotion. Why… why do you ask?"

"Umm… just the guy was standing so close all the time… like it was something usual to him, like he was expecting something from me." Dean confided.

"Well, it's just a usual Cas thing. To invade someone's personal space." The younger Winchester chuckled

Dean actually started to feel like a total idiot. What was he thinking, when decided to ask his brother something like this? And, for what it worth, Castiel was an angel and according of what Dean knew, angels weren't probably even allowed to have this sort of relationships.

"So what?" Sam chuckled. "You feel like you should? Sleep with him, I mean."

"Shut up…" Dean groaned, "Bitch." Dean wasn't sure where the last insult came from. He just wanted to call his brother a name and it was the first, what came in his mind.

"Jerk." Sam laughed at his brother's words. It seemed like calling names was something usual in their relationship.

Dean turned his back on Sam, facing the back of the couch now. He was trying to remember how wonderful Castiel's touch felt on his forehead, how deep were those eyes staring at him. "Yeah, I think that I should" He whispered so quite that even he himself nearly couldn't hear it.

~ooo~

The next week, Dean spent learning once again what every hunter should know. It looked like he still had all the appropriate skills for the job: his shooting aim was perfect, his fighting skills were on a level, well, it even happened that somehow he remembered the exorcising spell by heart.

Dean was asking a lot of questions. Mostly it was about their previous hunt, about the Apocalypse they figured to stop, about angels and demons. Once Dean asked how he and Castiel met and the response he received was very shocking. After this he found himself unable to stop asking questions on this matter.

"So, I don't understand one thing." Dean finally concluded "Or actually two. First is why the angel is still helping us so much. And the second is – why the hell you and Bobby have such a negative attitude towards him?"

Sam seized his brother with his gaze for a moment, trying to find a valid argument, but then sighed. "You started it." He finally said "And we just probably picked it up from you."

The older Winchester hummed in response. The idea of how low his attitude towards someone who had helped them so much was very unpleasant to him. He couldn't understand why someone would behave like this. It felt low, it felt wrong. The hunter recollected the look of Castiel's blue eyes, with what devotion they were filled, with hurt. Dean felt like a total douche right now.

"How… how do we call him?" He asked.

"Uh, we pray, I mean like just call his name and say something." The younger brother explained.

'I think I will go to pray some, then." Dean nodded, fighting the urge to disbelieve the idea, because of how silly it sounded.

First of all Dean visited the kitchen, as he fished two bottles of beer from the fridge. Then he turned towards the exit, stepping out into the cool air of early autumn evening. The hunter crossed the junk yard, stuffed with old rusty cars till he reached his baby, settling himself comfortably on her hood. For several minutes he was just sitting there sipping beer and looking at the sky, watching it slowly changing its color from a mix of pink and orange to dark blue, then he took a deep breath, inhaling the dusty air of the junk yard and closed his eyes.

"Castiel…" he started, "I know that you might be busy right now, fighting a war up there in Heaven. I even not sure, that this might work, but I just feel like giving it a try. So um… don't bother to drop all you stuff, if you're currently doing something important up there, you might just listen…"

The air shifter around Dean and he heard something which sounded like a flapping of huge wings nearby him. This time Dean even didn't flinch, when he turned his head towards the sound and noticed Castiel sitting on the hood of the Impala next to him.

"Hello, Dean." He simply said not even turning his head towards the hunter this time.

"Well, as I told you could just listen and don't bother appearing here." Dean sighed.

"I wasn't busy." Castiel explained. "So, what did you want to tell?" This time the angel turned his head, looking the hunter right in the eyes, making his heart leaping in his chest once again.

"I… umm…" Dean gulped as he started to feel little bit uncomfortable under angel's gaze. He turned his head away, and looked at the sky again. "I wanted to say thank you…" He admitted.

"Fixing minor body damage isn't something difficult Dean, but you're welcome."

"No, I didn't mean my head." Dean objected. "Well, actually, head too, but I wanted to thank you for everything: for tugging me out of Hell, for rebelling against own brothers, for helping us every time we needed it."

Dean glanced at the angel and noticed that now he looked very uncomfortable. May be nervous, but Dean wasn't able to tell exactly. His body was tensed, hands was resting on his knees, knuckled. "Dean…" Castiel called quietly, nearly whispering.

"Is something wrong, Cas? May I call you Cas, right?"

This time the angel actually chuckled slightly. "You behave really weird." He pointed out.

"Well, Sam said that's because I don't remember anything bad happened to me and don't feel a need to be protective over emotions, or something like that. I totally don't understand what this shit means, actually."

"Is it why you didn't want to let my grace go that last time?" Castiel asked.

"You grace? You mean this thing I felt was your grace, touching me?"

"Yes. And usually you push it away." The angel explained.

"Dunno, I mean it felt good, so I just had this sort of weird reaction." Dean shrugged his shoulders, as he made another sip of beer from his bottle. At this point he noticed Castiel's gaze followed the movement of the bottle. Dean actually had no idea that angels could drink alcohol, but he suddenly kicked himself in his thoughts for not proposing Castiel to share it.

"I see…" Castiel nodded, and then hummed, noticing Dean, handing him a bottle of beer.

"I have no idea, do you drink alcohol or not, but I feel terrible, for not asking you earlier." Dean explained pointed on the bottle.

Castiel smiled warmly, accepting the bottle. Dean placed his own half-empty beer on the hoof of the car, and reached for the keychain, as he had an opener tugged to it. But when the keys were already out of his pocket, he noticed that the angel already opened his beer somehow and now just watching the hunter with curiosity. "Never mind" Dean chuckled, returning his keys back to his pocket.

Dean wasn't sure how long they had been sitting outside just talking. Dean was asking him a lot of questions, about Heaven, about angels, about how Castiel had been trying to search for his father, about the war up in Heaven. At first Castiel felt little bit avoidant, but with time passing he was relaxing more and more, staring to tell Dean different stories already by his own accord. The hunter was sure he could listen to them forever.

Dean climbed further on the hood laying down, keeping his feet on the bumper. The evening already turned into night at this point and the hunter now could see the stars spread all over the night sky. The crickets were chirring in grass around them, and the wind was gently playing with tops of the trees in the salvage yard, lulling Dean into drowsiness. He felt as the car shifter under him and turned his head, finding Castile lying beside him, looking up in the sky. Dean smiled and closed his eyes, returning his attention to the surrounding sounds and slowly he sunk into a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**White Blank Page**

**Part 2**

When Dean woke up next morning he found himself back in the study room of Bobby's house on his couch. He was carefully covered with a blanked and what it seemed, was wearing only a pair of boxers. He suddenly started to feel little bit awkward about it because he was sure it was Castiel who brought him here. Brought here and undressed down to boxers. And how did the angel manage to do it without waking Dean up? And how would Dean react if he noticed Castiel undressing him? More he was thinking about the last, more he was conceived that the only reaction he would have is suppressing some urges that could be highly inappropriate towards an angel.

Dean felt that an idea about being a gay (or even bisexual) was scaring him a little bit, that really meant that before the memory lose he hadn't have any experience in such sphere, but now Dean had already got to know that the angel wasn't technically a guy, he was just occupied a human "vessel" which happened to be a male. But for some reason it wasn't helping in the situation, not at all… Dean even had no idea had Castiel being able to feel physically the same way humans did, or he was just controlling the human body from inside robot-style.

Dean stretched on the couch and got up, looking around the room. Sam was still occupied the same chair as yesterday, but now he was sleeping with his torso leaned on the table and his cheek marked with blue ink. Dean smirked at the site as he grabbed his jeans carefully folded on a floor under the couch.

The morning was very quiet; Dean was able to hear every tick of the watches in the study. Floor was echoing around the room with a loud rasp every time Dean was stepping on it. He tried to be very careful to not to wake up his brother, even with a fact Sam didn't seem too comfortable, sleeping in a sitting position.

He made his way to the kitchen and found a fresh coffee in the coffee maker. The model was pretty old and it didn't have any timer settings, so it only could mean that Bobby had been already awake. Dean poured some nice smelling coffee into his cup and moved to the center of the kitchen, standing there and looking outside on the salvage yard as he made a small sip, enjoying the taste. The morning was perfect: with shining sun, singing birds and all other elements of a really awesome beginning of the day. And maybe Dean still could remember nothing from his past; maybe there was a terrible war somewhere up in Heaven which could lead to the Apocalypse, right now he felt like the happiest person in the whole world.

His thoughts shifted to the war again. Right now Castiel was probably in a fight, or maybe discussing a strategy with his generals, or maybe doing something else very important to protect the humanity. Dean's heart suddenly filled with worry towards the angel.

"Hey, Castiel." He whispered looking at the bright blue sky through the window. "Please, be careful there."

Suddenly Dean felt a weird itching sensation on his left shoulder. He reached there and found the hand print scar - the one Castiel left on his body when he had pulled the hunter out of the Pit. He carefully rubbed the convex surface of the scar with tips of his fingers and sighed.

The second door to the kitchen opened and the older hunter entered it.

"Woke up already? How'd you sleep?" Asked Bobby as he moved pass Dean, placing several paper bags on the table.

"Awesome, thanks!" Dean replied and moved to the bags, trying to pick at what was inside. "Is it something for breakfast?" he asked curiously.

"Well, if you suddenly decided to switch you ration to drinking blood of dead people, so yeah, suite yourself!"

Dean made a disgusted face and moved away from the bags. "Blood of a dead person? Vampires?" He inquired. The hunter learned all the details as the last week he had spent studding the lore of different monsters. It wasn't easy, as he had to spend a lot of time reading, but at the end he was very proud of himself, as he perfectly remembered what kind of weapons were best for each of the evil spawn.

"Good job!" Bobby replied, although he didn't sound very happy. "Soon you will be even better hunter then you were before the accident. Maybe." He added even more annoyed.

"What the heck, Bobby?" Dean asked. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing yet." The older hunter replied. "I just don't want your ass deep fried on a simple hunt. Go and wake up your idjit brother, we have a lead. And can you please stop walking around my house shirtless?" He added, turning around and moving towards the exit.

When Bobby had already opened a small door, leading to the back yard, he suddenly turned and addressed to Dean once again. "Sorry, boy," he said. "Just worrying about ya."

Dean nodded, smiling slightly. "I understand." He said.

~ooo~

Dean was sitting on a chair in the study, observing Sam and Bobby who were discussing the hunt. Two other hunters were hovering above a map and several shabby looking books, trying to determinate their course of actions. The older Winchester was trying hard to labor the every detail of the discussion, but he found himself unable to fully do so. It wasn't like he was distracted by something, or was thinking about something else, it just wasn't interesting for him, the hunter was bored to listen the plead of ideas of how they were going to find a vampire nest, what they were going to do, when they will be on positions.

It also wasn't like the topic itself seemed boring for the hunter. Dean felt the small hitches of excitement growing within him when he was imagining himself hunting. His whole existence was asking for some sort of actions, for a gale of adrenaline which for some reasons could make him feel better, more useful for the world. Like a thousand little butterflies were swarming inside his stomach, asking him to rush into the heart of the nest, starting to shoot in every direction, killing those evil spawns of the night.

"Dean… Dean?" He suddenly heard Sam calling his name.

"Yeah, what?" he blurred out, as he returned into the reality.

"What do you think about it?" His brother asked.

Dean had no idea what Sam was talking about. It really turned out that the hunter had been lost in his thoughts for some time, so he totally missed the point when two other hunters vocalized their final plan. "I think it's perfect!" He smiled wide, trying to hide his confusion.

"What is it that so perfect?" Bobby Inquired.

"Umm… whatever your idea was." He shrugged his shoulders.

"You weren't listening, were you?" Sam sighed.

"Well… yaeh... I mean, no" Dean started to feel awkward, as he really had no idea how to pull out of the situation. "Sorry, I just really feel that all that researches crap isn't my style." He finally admitted.

"Well," the older hunter snorted, tapping Dean on the shoulder, "Dean Winchester will never change, doesn't matter how many times you hit him on the head."

~ooo~

Saybrook was a very small township, situated along the Lake Erie in Ohio. It was one of those quite places in the world, where the level of crime was so low, that a sudden people disappearance momently became a top priority for the local government. It was pretty weird actually, why the vampires decided to settle a nest in a place like this, while bigger cities could provide them with much better cover. But Dean absolutely didn't mind it, for someone who was a hunter it could only mean less troubles. Plus the fact that the amount of people in the town couldn't feed a more than five or six of the bloodsuckers was also reassuring.

To get to Ohio, two brothers had to drive for two days, stopping only for food and at night in cheap motels. After this trip Dean was fairly exhausted, but at the same time for some reasons he felt whole again. The last two days were a final prove of the fact, that every single world he had been told by his brother, Bobby and Castiel was true, this is really was his life, and that was what making him happy.

After they booked a room in yet another shabby motel, Sam took the keys of the car and went to find something to eat, leaving Dean alone. The older Winchester climbed on the motel bed and turned on a small TV, starting surfing the channels. He felt pretty dirty after many hours spent in a car, but he was sure that if he would take a shower right now, warm water would lull him into sleep and as it was only 8 PM, he didn't want it yet.

There were several movies tonight, which seemed to him unfamiliar. Well, it was probably because all of them would be unfamiliar to someone who had lost his memories. Well, actually not all: the Terminator, for example was very much familiar, Dean was sure that he had seen it many times before. Several more clicks on the remote controller and his attention got fixed on some sort of drama series about doctors. It captured his attention with a very hot scene in an elevator, where one very attractive doctor pressed a same attractive nurse against a wall in a passionate kiss. They hands were everywhere and for a moment Dean started to hope they will show some more details, but the elevator door opened and another girl rushed inside. _"How could you do this to me!"_ she yelled at the doctor, _"I believed you! I though there were something between us! And you cheated on me! With her?"_

In twenty more minutes Dean had been already aware of pretty much every detail of the show. Apparently the doctor had been sleeping with every single nurse in the show, trying to hide it and telling every single girl, that she was the only one. The guy was pretty much a jerk, but for some reasons Dean felt sympathetic towards him.

He also noticed how much he enjoyed gazing at pretty women, at curves of their bodies (and oh yeah, this show had a lot of half-naked girls. Of course there wasn't any open nudity, just tons of hints, but anyway.) Dean was thinking about how nice it would be to have one of those beauties right now, here. Show her that he could do some things better than the doctor guy. Dean actually noticed that the doctor himself was quite handsome, he tried to imagine himself with the guy, but not even a single nerve in his body tingled on the thoughts. Dean had absolutely no interest towards the guy. So yeah, Dean definitely wasn't a gay, and perhaps even not a bisexual. But the realization made him more confused that happy, because now he just couldn't totally understand himself. His affection towards Castiel now started to seem even weirder.

The hotel door swung open and Sam appeared in the room with two bags of food in his hands. He moved towards the table glancing on the TV screen and smirked: "Dude, seriously! You are watching Dr. Sexy?"

"Umm-hmm…" Dean replied. "Though, let me guess, I've never liked to watch a crap like this, haven't I?"

"Actually no, you always liked the show."

"Hell yeah, they have some pretty hot scenes! They even showed some boobs just for a second. And, why did you sounded surprised that I watch it, when I used to do it before?"

"Well," Sam looked at his brother and smiled very warm, "I just surprised that even after you forgot your entire life, you're still the same old Dean I always knew."

~ooo~

"Seriously?" Dean nearly shouted out of surprise. "Are we going to talk to people pretending to be FBI agents?"

He was holding a fake FBI badge in his hand, looking at the picture of himself next to the name which also was not his.

"Well, we used to do it many times before, Dean. Everything is going to be fine!" His brother reassured him.

"Yeah, but Terry Smith? Seriously? Could you just find a name which would sound more stupid?" Dean couldn't stop protesting.

"First, this name isn't stupid. There are actual people in the world that might have same name. Second, you should be thankful it doesn't say "the bikini inspector".

Dean glanced at the badge one more time and sighed in defeat. At least the badge itself looked pretty impressive. Whoever made this thing sure knew how to do his job. Dean actually realized that he had no idea how an actual FBI badge supposed to look like, and if someone would have shown him this, he would truly believe that this someone is a real federal agent. So a random civilian who lived in a place like this for sure could be fooled with those.

When they arrived at the town last night, they didn't expect to talk to witnesses, because this place was so small, that they literally just could check every empty building to find the nest. But how wrong they were – it seemed every single street in the township had a place those sons of bitches could hide. Not to mention old lonely houses outside the town. Apparently the vampires weren't that stupid as Dean expected them to be.

The house they were standing before belonged to a family whose daughter disappeared two days ago. Sam explained that it would be best to start with them, because they still had a chance to save the girls, as vampires could keep their victims alive for some time to always have fresh blood to drink.

"Mrs. Morgan? Agent Anderson, this is my partner – agent Smith, may we ask you a few questions?" Sam inquired, showing his badge when a middle age woman opened the door.

She slowly nodded and stepped back, inviting them inside the house. When they were already in, she gestured to follow to the living room, pointing on the couch.

"I don't understand, I already told everything to the police, yesterday." The woman sighed.

"I understand, Mrs. Morgan, but we aren't working with the police, you see?" The younger hunter explained.

Dean was sitting on a couch silently, listening to the conversation. He decided to be quiet not to tell something stupid to compromise their cover.

"Alice is such a sweet girl." The woman said, showing them a picture of her daughter. "You see, I'm divorced, rising the child alone. I have no one else." She suddenly started to cry, trying to wipe her tears with a tissue.

Dean perfectly understood the woman, it had to be difficult to be a single mother, giving everything you had to the kid, and then some evil sons of bitches came and took the girl away. Plus the girl herself was so young, only seventeen years old, with the whole life ahead. Older Winchester knuckled his hands, trying to hide his emotions. At this moment he knew, that he won't show any mercy for the damned vamps.

"When did you talk to her last time?" Sam asked.

"Two days ago… it was a very hot day, so she called me, telling that she will be late from school; that she and her friend were going to go to the lake, to swim." The woman explained. "And when the sun started to set, I called her back, to say that it's already pretty late and she needs to return home. But her phone was turned off." Mrs. Morgan finished her phrase, and started to cry again.

"I think, than we might go and check the beach then." Sam nodded.

"The police already did, they found nothing!" The woman sighed.

"Well, won't hurt to do it again, right?" Sam gave the woman a reassuring smile and stood from the couch.

When they already were about to leave the house, Dean suddenly turned and said: "Don't worry Mrs. Morgan, we will find your girl, I promise." He had no idea where it came from, he even wasn't sure he will be able to fulfill the promise, but he was absolutely sure he would do his best.

~ooo~

May be because it was pretty cool today, or may be because of the recent developments the beach where the girl had been seen the last time was totally empty. Two hunters were walking along the shore, trying to find at least any leads.

"Look there," the younger brother pointed somewhere, following the direction of his finger with his eyes, Dean was able to see a small old house situated on the edge of the forest and enclosed by a high fence from every side.

"Yeah, but the police already checked the area, you think they would miss it," Dean snorted, "Oh, come on, you think they would forget to check a suspicious house which so conveniently stands close to the crime scene?"

"Well, they might not know what we know." Sam simply explained.

The house was very old, just by looking at it everyone could surely tell that there wasn't a single way to live in it. One of the walls was missing, apparently it simply fell down, and now was covering half of the floor, while another was clearly on its way to fall. Half of the roof was also collapsed and it diffidently was complicating the movements. After acknowledging that the actual building was totally unfit not for hiding, not for living, they decided to check the basement.

The entrance to the underground level of the house was on the left side from the building, they made their way towards it and Sam opened leafs of the small door, leading to the basement.

"Uh, well, I'm not sure this building has a basement." Dean pointed out. The entrance to the basement was totally ruined and filled with debris of any kind or size.

"Unless they have a second entrance." Sam suggested.

They returned inside the house and started to search for anything which could be an entrance. Dean had no idea why the police gave up on this place so easily, because already less than a few minutes, a pretty obvious door under a half-destroyed carped had been found. Sam opened the trapdoor slowly, trying not to make any sounds before getting his gun, loaded with soaked in dead person blood bullets. Dean took a deep breath, preparing his own gun and followed his brother.

Dean expected it to be dark inside, but it wasn't. The light was soaking through dozens of holes in the floor, which weren't visible from the other side. The basement was separated on several sections, and in each section there were one or two people sleeping on hammocks or just piles of clothes. Sam made a gesture, which Dean understood as "go find the girl" as he reached to his bag taking a small oilcan of octane, starting to spill it around the vampires.

Dean moved further into another section and noticed the girl, tied up to a supporting pole. Even in a dim elimination Dean could see how pale she was, the damned blood suckers had probably drank a lot of her blood already. The girl looked unconscious and Dean was afraid that she could have already been dead. He moved closer and checked her pulse, registering gladly, that the girl was still alive. She moaned weakly under his touch, so Dean understood that the she most likely was just asleep.

"Hey," he called her quietly, "Alice… you hear me?"

The girl slowly opened her eyes and looked at Dean with fright.

"It's ok, we are here to save you." Alice blinked once and then nodded, so Dean moved his hands behind her head, to untie the gag, but before he could finish she started to wriggle on one place trying to scream, although with a gag it sounded muffled.

Dean looked, at Alice's face, trying to calm her down, but noticed that her gaze was fixed behind him and her eyes were filled with cold terror. The hunter turned his head to look at what was going on and noticed a beefed looking guy standing behind him with a wide grin on his face.

Next moment Dean was flying across the section of the room landing hard against wall with his back. The consciousness nearly left him, but somehow he figured to shake the pain off and opened his eyes. This time he saw several more vampires appearing from other parts of the basement. One of the female was holding Sam in her arms, like the guy was made of paper, weightless. The younger Winchester was trying to break free, but she was grapping him hard with inhumane strength.

"Hunters." The bulky looking vampire groaned. He most likely was the leader of their group. "We usually like to play with our pray, but hunters can bring troubles…" He smiled showing the line of the fangs in his mouth, "Come one guys, let's have a banquet! "

With these words several bloodsuckers surrounded Dean. One of them moved closer and grabbed him by the collar of his jacked, pulling him up. Dean tried to reach for his gun, but failed as the other vampire knocked it out of his hands, before the hunter could do anything. Dean tried to break free, but everything was useless.

Dean was in panic; he didn't know what to do. The sharp pain pierced through whole his body as he felt vampire fangs tearing his skin on his neck. He didn't know what else he could do; he closed his eyes and started to pray.

Next several moments were in total mess. Dean could barely understand what was going on: he saw a flash of bright light; he heard some screaming and the grip on his neck weakened. Dean fell back to the floor, grabbing his neck in attempt to stop the bleeding. It was merely something he could understand, but more a body reflex.

The room filled with light one more time, forcing the hunter to shut his eyes, and then everything went quiet again. Dean carefully opened his eyes and saw Castiel standing before him, with a silver dagger in his hand and a bunch of burned vampire corpses under his feet. Dean was sitting on the floor, speechless, looking at the angel with amazement.

"Dean" He heard Sam calling him and turned his eyes to his brother. "Are you all right?" Sam asked.

Dean nodded, still trying to catch his breath.

"All right, I will take the girl out." Sam said and went to untie Alice. Moment later he was moving towards the exit, holding her with one hand for support as the poor thing wasn't able to move by her own. But Dean wasn't actually paying much attention to them right now as he continued starring at Castiel, like he was the most extraordinary creature in the world. And well, he really was.

"You're injured." The angel said, as he reached hunter's forehead. The warm swirling energy filled Dean's body once again. This time he didn't grabbed it, he was just enjoying the comfort in brought. When it was over, Dean had no longer felt any pain. "Cas…" he whispered, looking the angel in the eyes. He was ready to bet he saw the blue eyes glowing a little bit.

Castiel reached for the hunter again, but this time to help him stand up, Dean wasn't sure what happened next, because now they were standing not more than one inch apart, looking each other in the eyes. Angel tried to move back, but Dean's hands suddenly clenched into the lapel of his trench coat.

"Dean?" Castiel called, narrowing his eyebrows.

Dean was sure he could hear a slight buzz inside his head, his heart started to beat faster. He moved towards even more, pulling the angel by his lapels at the same time. "Cas…" He whispered as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Castiel's.

Dean wasn't sure why he did it, but he just felt like to do it, so he rolled with it. Castiel's lips were soft and little bit chopped, but they felt so perfectly right underneath his own. He tasted like clean water and mint, and may be little bit of salt and something else, which Dean couldn't figure out.

At first angel was standing still, shocked, but then he suddenly sighed into kiss and attacked Dean's month himself, with a fierce, with need, like his life was depending on it. Dean felt angel's hands grabbing the nape of his head, his fingers in hunter's hair, trying to bring Dean's face even closer that it was physically possible. Castiel's kiss was sloppy, like he wasn't sure what to do with his mouth, it was wet, it was inexperienced, but at the same time there were so much determination in it, so much passion, like Castiel had been craving for it for long time and finally was able to get.

Castiel groaned into the kiss, making Dean tremble in angel's hands. He let his own hands slide and rest on Castiel's hips, holding him still, like he was afraid that the angel could disappear any moment. Dean opened his mouth and let his tongue slid inside angel's, exploring it, entangling it with the tongue of the smaller man. Dean felt like Castiel's breathe started to quicken, from time to time Dean was able to tear a small whimper from angel's throat and it was making Dean wanting for more, for so much more.

Dean's hands started to run over angel's body, exploring unfamiliar curves through the fabric of Castiel's shirt. Castiel was warm, like a human being, may be little bet warmer than that, but it didn't matter. The time seemed to stop around them, there wasn't anything else in the world, nothing could…

"Dean, are you coming or what?" He heard Sam shouting from somewhere above their heads.

Dean forced himself to tear his lips from the angel, staring into his blue eyes and panting. Castiel looked disheveled, with his hair dump in different directions, with widened pupils in his eyes and even if it was pretty dark here, Dean could swear he was able to see heavy blush on Castiel's cheeks.

"I think we need to go now…" Dean whispered, still trying to catch his breath.

"Dean…" Castiel breathed out, turning his head away, like he was ashamed. "I… I'm sorry… I…" He was still a bit shaking, trying to choose right words. "I need to go." He finally said, making a step back, going out of Dean's personal space.

Dean blinked and the moment he opened his eyes, he was alone, standing in the middle of a dirty basement filled with vampire corpses.


	4. Chapter 4

**White Blank Page**

**Part 3**

The next week Dean spent blaming himself for his own stupidity and a total lack of self-control. He kissed Castiel, an angel. Well, it may be wasn't so bad, because he really enjoyed it, and Castiel enjoyed it as well as it seemed, but was an angel allowed to be intimate with a human? Yes, now there was no God to look after the rules anymore, there was free will and a shit ton of other stuff. It was an age when angels were allowed to do whatever they wanted, but why then Castiel ran away? Why for already a whole week he had never appeared no matter how often Dean called him?

Castiel wasn't replying on prayers, his cell phone was always out of reach and it was making Dean go nuts. There were so many possibilities of what could have happened! For what the hunter knew the angel could have been captured by someone, or even worse – killed in a fight. Oh he was just confused of what happened between them, or maybe he just didn't share the feelings Dean had and now decided to avoid the human.

Feelings. Yeah, Dean thought about it and more time he spent thinking about it, more he understood he definitely had them. Those feeling weren't just lust or curiosity; it was something deeper, something more profound. Hell, it even could be an actual love! Of course Dean wasn't naïve, not at all, he knew that something so significant couldn't develop for just those several hours he spent with the angel; it for sure had started way before, when his memories were still intact. So what changed? Why Dean decided to act now and not before?

Dean was laying on the couch in Bobby's study with his face buried into his palms. It'd been already one week he hadn't seen Castiel. This fact was making him annoyed, grumpy. Sam tried to talk to him, but the older Winchester decided that there was nothing to talk about. It wasn't like he wouldn't tell Sam about a big gay crush on an angel of the Lord, it was just Dean wasn't certain himself of what was going on. If only Castiel had appeared at least once, to say something. May be even if it was something like "sorry, we can't do it" it would have been way better than this uncertainness.

It was a late evening, between nine and ten PM, not exactly a time to go to bed, but Dean would be thankful if he was able to fall asleep right now, although he perfectly knew, that his bothersome state of mind wouldn't let him to.

"Hey, Dean," Sam called, "want to join me in a second dinner?"

Dean glanced at his brother from between his fingers. They had already had a dinner like two hours ago, and then Sam just asked to borrow the keys from the car and went somewhere, without explanation.

"You are the one who keep telling that it's unhealthy to eat before going to bed." Dean raised his eyebrows.

"And since when you decided to listen to me?"

"Who told you I'm going to listen to you? Dean smirked as he stood from the couch and moved towards the kitchen. Dean actually wasn't hungry, but he knew that the process of eating would surely distract him.

"Oh, is it really what I'm thinking about?" Dean smiled wide when he noticed a white box in the middle of the kitchen table.

"Well, if you thinking about the best apple pie you can find in Sioux Falls, so yes, it _**is**_ what you are thinking about." Sam smiled.

Dean returned the smile, settling himself beside the table and moving the box closer. He opened it, inhaling the sweet aroma of his favorite pastry. The pie was still warm, it was a mystery how Sam had been able to get it at this late hour, but Dean sure wasn't going to question it.

"Sammy, you're the best brother ever!" the older Winchester sneered, extracting a piece of the pie from the box, and replacing in on an already prepared plate.

But Dean didn't have enough time to even take a single bite - a sound of something crushing distracted him. The noise was reaching from the study; two brothers exchanged worrying looks, before rushing to the next room. There in the middle of the room on the floor, surrounded by several fallen books and a knocked down chair was laying Castiel, who was trying unsuccessfully to grab the top of the bureau table in attempt to stand up, but every time it was ending with yet another pale of books falling on his head.

"Cas!" Dean gasped, rushing towards the angel. "Hey, buddy, what happened? Are you hurt?"

The answer to this question was more than obvious. The whole angel's face was bruised, covered in clotted blood, his coat was torn on several pieces, and it was actually surprising how they were still able to hold on Castiel. One angel's hand was pressed against his stomach, Dean was sure it was a some very serious injure down there, he tried to move Castiel's hand to take a look, but the angel groaned, trying to push the hunter away.

"I'm… fine…" He mumbled, through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, sure! Tell me!" Dean nodded. "We need to lay him down somewhere." Dean said, addressing to his brother.

Sam only nodded, moving towards his brother and the angel. Together they managed to move him to the couch, laying him down on already prepared for Dean sleeping place. The guy looked small and fragile, but he was way heavier than Dean expected. Somehow on the way to the couch, Dean managed to take Castiel's coat together with the jacked off.

"I will go and call Booby," Sam said taking a deep breath, "I saw him out in the salvage yard, working on some cars." And he hurried up outside.

Dean returned his attention to the angel, who was lying on the couch with eyes closed and panting hard. He slowly reached for his hand, murmuring words of reassuring in Castiel's ear and was finally allowed to move the hand from the wound. The sight of what he saw left him breathless, because he had never seen anything like this before. There was nearly no blood around the wound and Dean still wasn't able to see the edges of it because of the shirt which was on the way, but surprising was the fact, that the bright white light was soaking through Castiel's skin where it was torn by something sharp.

"Fuck, Cas, is it serious?" Dean inquired even not trying to hide a panic in his voice.

Castiel opened his eyes looking at Dean and took a deep breath trying to gain some self-control. "I'm going to be fine; I just need some rest…" He said.

"Are you sure? Cause if you die here on me, I will kill you!"

Castiel slightly tilted his head, starring at the older Winchester for a moment before speaking again. "Your words don't make any sense, Dean."

Dean chuckled softly, coupling Castiel's face in his hands. "Just.. don't die, all right? We haven't yet even talked about what happened last time. It just would suck if you die, ok?" As a prove of his words Dean placed a chaste kiss on Castiel's lips.

The hunter heard a porch door slapping and he moved away from Castiel. It was more of a body reflex then an actual fear to be found kissing with the angel. Dean turned his head and saw Sam and Bobby entering the study.

"I'm not gonna let you do anything with my soul to heal up, again." Bobby sighed, glancing at Castiel.

"It won't be required" Castiel explained. "Last time the circumstances were different, we had no other choice. I will be fine by my own this time."

"Alright then…" The older hunter nodded. "There are bandages in the bathroom on the first floor."

"I'm not… losing blood, so I won't need bandages." The angel sighed.

"Wait," Dean protested. "There is a way to patch him up?" He asked.

But before anyone else could reply anything, Castiel turned his head to the hunter: "No, Dean, even don't think about how, It is really not necessary." He said.

"All right idjits…" Bobby nodded, "Do you need anything else? I would hit the bed otherwise."

"Dean needs to sleep somewhere, as Cas is occupying his place." Sam pointed out.

"Well, there is another bed in the panic room." Bobby weaved towards the corridor.

"We'll figure it out." Dean smiled.

The older hunter nodded and wished brothers good night before leaving the room. It was still only fifteen minutes before ten, but Dean had already started to feel a bit tired. Although he still wasn't sure he would be able to fall asleep yet, especially with an injured angel around.

"Sam," He called his brother. "Can you help me to bring the matrass from the panic room here; I will stay with Cas, just in case."

Sam glanced at his brother and gave him a somewhat amused grin, which could mean anything from "afraid to sleep in a basement?" to "Oh wow, I didn't know it was serious, between you two." But he didn't say anything out loud.

They moved the matrass from the basement, placing it on the floor of the study, before Sam also decided to go to his room. Dean was pretty sure that his brother wasn't going to bed anytime soon, he just wanted to leave Dean and the angel alone, for what the older Winchester was thankful.

When Dean was left alone beside Castiel, he looked around the room pondering what to do, but nothing came into his mind. There were hundreds of books around, but reading wasn't something he would enjoy, there was a TV, but for some reason it also seemed like a bad idea. Castiel was laying still with his eyes closed and if Dean wouldn't know better, he would assume that the angel simply fell asleep.

"Cas?" Dean called very quietly. "Cas, you still here?"

"Yes." Castiel simply replied, not even opening his eyes.

"You sure you don't need anything?" the hunter inquired.

"No, I'll be fine." He replied. "Although, my vessel seems to be thirsty, as I'm too busy concentrating on my Grace and can't provide it with proper care."

Dean nodded, even if he knew, Castiel wasn't looking at him and went to the kitchen. First thing he did is opened the fridge, checking if the older hunter had any water in plastic bottles, but it turned that he didn't, so the hunter found a glass and filled it with tape water. When he was already about to return to the study, he noticed the untouched pie. Dean realized that the desire to eat it right now was totally gone, but leaving the pie on the table was a crime, so he expended some time to hide it in the fridge.

"There, drink," He said when he finally returned to the living room.

Dean helped Castiel to hold his head, while holding the glass before his mouth. Castiel was drinking slowly with no enthusiasm, he looked so weak and exhausted right now that hunter's heart seemed to start bleeding.

Dean spent another hour just sitting on the floor watching over the angel. Time was dragging slowly like on purpose; the hunter had been gazing on the clock for what it seemed like every hour, only to find that the long arrow hadn't move for more than ten divisions. In half more hour Sam appeared once again, knocking on the door before entering the study. He silently moved to a book shelf, requiring one of the books from there, before leaving his brother again. They didn't say anything to each other, because there wasn't anything to say.

Finally Dean started to feel tired enough to try to fall asleep. He turned off the main light, leaving only the table lamp on, covered the matrass with a spare sheet and climbed onto it, closing his eyes. Surprisingly, he found himself falling asleep more quickly than he expected.

~ooo~

But Dean didn't have a chance to sleep in as a muffled panting reaching from the couch woke him up. The hunter slowly opened his eyes, trying to define what was going on. Slowly his consciousness started to return to him and he remembered that Castiel was still in the room and it was probably him making the sounds. The hunter got himself up into a sitting position, trying to check on the angel.

Castiel was laying on the couch, with eyes shot, breathing heavily. His face and neck was glisten as the light of the night lamp was reflecting from a heavy layer of sweat. Angel's hands was knuckling into the couch so hard that Dean was sure there would be holes left in the red fabric. The wound in his stomach seemed to get bigger than before; at least it was what the hunter assumed noticing that the emanating light had become way brighter than it was before. Dean reached angel's forehead, wiping away the sweat with his palm and realized that Castiel's body was burning, like in fever.

"Cas, fuck!" He groaned, moving closer to his friend. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Castiel opened his eyes, trying to look at the hunter, but it seemed he couldn't see appropriately as he was looking somewhere through Dean's face. His eyes were red and teary, with wide of pain pupils. "Dean…" he whispered with a broken voice.

The angel didn't look good, it seemed like he was fighting for his life right now.

"Even don't dare to say that you're all right, you hear me?" Dean grunted, coupling angel's face in his hands. "Come on, man, tell me what I need to do, Bobby said there is a way to help you."

"No!" Castiel nearly shouted it. "It might hurt you severely."

"Yeah, and it might kill you if we won't do anything!" Dean protested. "So suck it up and tell what you need me to do."

Castiel was silent for a moment, probably trying to decide what to do and then finally nodded: "I will need to obtain a certain amount of energy from your soul, Dean. It won't be a pleasant experience."

"Ok, all right, go for it." Dean nodded.

Castiel gasped as he tried to get up, placing his hands on hunter chest.

"Wait." Dean said. "Don't move, it's hurting you." With those words he climbed on the couch, hovering above the angel. "There, it will be easier to reach from this angle." He explained.

Castiel closed his eyes, returning his palms to Dean's chest. At first Dean couldn't feel anything more than just a small burning sensation from Castiel's palms. Then the space between angel's hands and his chest started to glow, and the slight burning feeling turned into a real burn, like Dean was placing his chest against a stove burner. The hunter clenched his teeth, but didn't move. When Castiel's hands started to go deeper under his skin, the pain had turned into something unbearable. Dean's whole body strained in agony making him grunt and moan, but even so he didn't move a single inch, repeating in the corner of his mind that it was all to save his friend. The pain was spreading through the whole his body, tearing him on hundreds of pieced, several time he felt like on the edge of losing consciousness, but every time he was able to withstand it somehow.

Finally Dean felt Castiel's hands moving away from his chest, several more moments and the pain started to slowly fade, leaving the hunter sore and breathless. Dean was no longer able to hold himself upwards and he fell on top of Castiel, trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck, Cas," He mumbled, laying still as his muscles didn't' want to listen to him. "That sucked hard." He admitted.

"I was trying to convince you not to do it," Castiel reminded.

They were laying pressed against each-other covered in sweat and panting, but other than that absolutely still. Slowly Dean started to regain control over his body and realized that he in fact was in a very interesting position, with his nose nearly pressed against angel's neck, inhaling the little bit bitter scent of his skin.

"Mmm… Cas," Dean called. "Did it work?"

"Yes, Dean, I'm totally fine now. Thank you." The angel answered, his voice was now calm.

Dean smiled lazily, pressing his lips to Castiel's neck, starting to nibble on it experimentally. Suddenly the smaller man gasped underneath him, slightly arching his body. Receiving such a good reaction, Dean continued kissing Castiel's neck, lightly sucking on it, in attempt to tear more sweet sounds from the angel.

"Dean…" Castiel moaned, shaking underneath the taller man. "What… are you doing?" He asked.

"Trying to make love to you." Dean explained, not even turning his face away from Castiel's neck. He moved one of his hands up to Castiel's chest, rubbing it through the thin fabric of his formal shirt. When his fingers brushed against a small knobble of Castiel's nipple, the angel gasped again, clenching into hunter's sides with both his hands. Receiving such appreciation, Dean continued to pet the nipple with a pad of his thumb retrieving more small whimpers from Castiel's mouth. So, yeah, now Dean had enough prove that the angel could feel things pretty well.

Dean was still exhausted after what had happened before, but he was so focused on his task right now, that he decided to push everything else away. Thinking about reasons and motivations for now seemed like excessive waste of energy.

"Dean…" the angel exhaled trying to push Dean away, "wait… we shouldn't…"

This time Dean groaned as he moved away from Castiel's neck, giving him a questioning look. "Why? You can't or you simply don't want?" He asked.

"I, I want, I really do. It's… just… won't you regret it when you get your memories back?" Castiel explained, looking Dean into his eyes.

Dean leaned on his elbow and rubbed his eyes with the free hand. "Listen, Cas… I already got it, I was a huge ass to you before I lost all my memories, I know. I had no idea why, but I'm sure it wasn't how I really felt…" He was trying to explain as clear as he could, even if his head was still buzzing from the pain which had been tearing his body not so long ago and some lust, as he had enough time to turn on after all. "Look, I woke up didn't remember anyone around me, at the same time I was able to feel everything: like I felt strongly attached to my brother, even only after several hours of talking to him. And I felt I can trust Bobby, like I would trust my own father, and with you, it's been like only several moments before I realized that I loved you, so it must mean something, right?"

Dean noticed how angel's eyes went wide, at his words. "D… Dean?" He called in shock. The hunter narrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand what surprised the angel so much, he repeated his own words in his mind and…

"Oh fuck, I said it, didn't I?" Dean cursed, as he couldn't believe something this important could just slip from his tongue. "Well, yeah, ok then. Sorry, not a much appropriate way to confess, isn't it?"

Castiel was laying totally still, not saying a single word. When Dean was already about to stand up from the couch and return back on his matrass, kicking himself hard for trying something that stupid, he suddenly felt Castiel's hands on his face. The angel coupled Dean's head and started to pull him gently on top of himself. When Dean was already close enough, Castiel raised his head from the pillow it was rested on and covered Dean's lips with his own, kissing him gently, like Dean was something precious and fragile. Dean answered the kiss the same moment he realized what the angel was doing. He pushed into the kiss, returning Castiel's head back onto the pillow.

"Cas…" He whispered against the angel's lips, before turning the slow and gentle kiss into more passionate, sliding his tongue inside already familiar warmth of angel's mouth.

Dean was taking it slow enjoying the other body underneath his own, rubbing slowly Castiel's sides with his hands. May be he didn't have his memories about the past, but he was sure that was what he wanted for a long time already, that was what Castiel wanted too. The other man was trembling under Dean, moaning into his mouth. Their hips were pressed against each-other and Dean could feel Castiel's erection rising against his own, the sensation was so intense, that the hunter thought it alone could send him over the edge.

Dean made an effort to tear his lips from the angel's mouth - kissing Castiel was something unbelievable but he wanted to taste all of the angel, not only his lips. He broke the kiss, making Castiel groan of the loss and moved back to his neck, gently suckling on it as he went down.

When his lips were on the edge of the collar of Castiel's shirt, he moved his hands up, starting to unbutton it, moving down to his chest and then abdomen, marking his way with wet kisses.

Castiel's body surprisingly didn't have any scars after the injury: Dean assumed it was normal, but it wasn't flawless as the hunter could see one weird looking scar on angel's chest in a form of enochian banishing sigil. On a corner of his mind, Dean was wondering how something like this had printed on Castiel's chest, but he decided that he would have time to ask afterwards.

At first Castiel was a bit uncertain. He was moaning, groaning and mewling slightly, while his body was shaking of lust, his hands were on Dean's sides, rubbing them. After all the buttons of angel's shirt were undone, Dean started to feel Castiel's hands sliding down, grabbing the edges of his tee shirt, pulling it up. The hunter had to force himself to get his torso up to allow Castiel to tug the shirt off. While Dean was up in a sitting position, he decided to use the chance and take care of angel's slacks. He unbuckled his belt, unzipped his fly and pulled off the black fabric down together with Castiel's who-knows-what-color-it-was boxers, as he felt too exhausted to do in in two turns.

Now the angel was laying before Dean completely naked, panting heavily, not tearing his eyes from hunter's. His skin was glisten with sweat, his hair disheveled and face covered in red blush; Dean was totally sure he had never seen anything hotter than that. The hunter moved his gaze lower, fixing it now on a very erected member, twitching between Castiel's legs. He licked his lips and slowly descended his head to reach Castiel's cock with his mouth, licking its leaking with pre-cum head. The angel mewled on the touch jerking his hips up in reflex. "Dean…" he moaned.

The movement wasn't significant enough, to make Dean swallow the whole member, but he had to place his hands on Castiel's hips, to prevent him from uncontrolled movements, before swallowing his cock dipper into his mouth.

Dean had no idea about how to give a blowjob, but according by Castiel's reactions, he was doing everything right. The angel was wringing, keeping thrusting his hips up and moaning Dean's name. Dean didn't have any intention to finish Castiel off by only his mouth, he wanted to tease him, but Dean didn't expect the angel to suddenly grab onto his hair, before his whole body tensed in a spasm and he came into Dean's mouth crying something on a language Dean didn't know.

Dean ended up with a mouthful of Castiel's semen, not sure how to react. It wasn't like he was terribly disgusted by it, he just really didn't expect Castiel to last this few. He glanced at the angel whose eyes were shut and who was still shaken after the orgasm. Castiel wasn't able to see the hunter right now, but Dean found himself swallowing the load anyway, like it was something natural, and not what you do to please your partner. The cum wasn't totally unpleasant, but Dean couldn't say it was tasty either. It was weird, half salty half bitter and to sum it had a very sticky consistence and didn't want to be swallowed totally, leaving a weird sensation of stickiness in the throat.

"D-Dean…" The angel whispered as he started to recover after the orgasm. "That was… overwhelming…" He said, still trying to catch his breath.

Dean found himself smiling wide on the comment, he felt pretty proud of himself to make an angel feel something like that, he seized him with his eyes from his face and back down, and suddenly noticed, that Castiel's cock was still hard and troubling . "Oh, wow, Cas… don't even need to pause?" He smirked.

Castiel glanced down on his own erection. "It appears so." He confirmed. "Dean…" He called in a whisper.

Dean returned his gaze to Castiel's face, meeting his eyes. "Huh?"

"Take me…" the angel groaned quietly.

Dean couldn't help a soft whelp tearing from his throat after these words. He gulped, feeling a weave of something hot rushed through his entire body and he had to bite his own lip, to not to come just like this. His hands were still on Castiel's hips; Dean moved them lower to angel's buttocks massaging them softly and then suddenly realized something. "Damn, Cas, I don't have lube…" He groaned in annoyance.

Castiel tilted his head, narrowing his eyebrows. "Inside pocked of my coat…" he said, blushing.

Dean looked at his lover surprised. There was no way Castiel could carry lube around. Did it mean that the angel wasn't that innocent as Dean though? Did it mean that he had already been with someone before? The idea suddenly pierced Dean's heart like a poison arrow, making him unbelievably jealous. Anyway, Dean didn't want to show his frustration to Castiel, therefor he simply climbed down from the couch, trying to find Castiel's coat.

The mess of beige spoiled in dry blood fabric which had been a coat sometime before was sprawled on the floor on the right side of the couch. Dean reached for it, searching for the inner pocket. The hunter felt a great relieve when he finally found what he was looking for. And no, it wasn't actual lube, but a small flask of an oily substance resided among lots of other weird items in the pocket. "Almond and jasmine oil…" Castiel explained, noticing Dean's slight confusion. "It's for rituals. At least it supposed to be."

"Ah…" Dean nodded. To think about it, he was pretty surprised to feel so angry with a thought that someone else could touch the angel… his angel.

When the hunter was already about to return back on the couch to the warm body waiting for him there, he realized that he simply couldn't move. He was able to climb down somehow, but climbing up was a different story, as his sore muscles decided to fail him in the most inappropriate moment. He fell on the floor under the couch, shaking and gasping for air, trying to fight his own brain which was attempting to simply shut off of exhaustion.

"Dean?" Castiel called, noticing that something was off.

"Fuck Cas…" the hunter gasped. "One moment, I just… I just… Damn it."

He heard the angel standing up from the couch and next moment he felt arms wrapping around him, lifting him from the ground and placing him onto a soft surface of the matrass.

"You experienced your own soul drained, it is actually a surprise you were able to do anything after it." Castiel said gently, rubbing hunter's forehead with his palm.

"Mm-hmm, but it doesn't mean we won't finish what we started." Dean chuckled.

"You're exhausted, Dean."

"Fuck it!" The hunter groaned, grabbing Castiel by his wrists and tugging him on top of himself. "I feel like I've been waiting for it way too long, to simply stop." With those words Dean caught his angel's lips with his own, starting to kiss him furiously.

Castiel replied on the kiss right off, pressing his bare skin against Dean's. "Then maybe you will consider me to take the lead?" He asked against the hunter's lips, his voice husky of the lust.

But the angel even didn't let Dean to answer, as he attacked hunter's lips once again. To tell the truth, Dean didn't mind to be silenced like this, as his answer was positive anyway. The next moment Dean felt the angel taking the flask from his hand before starting to tug Dean's underwear off.

Somewhere in-between kisses and caresses, hunter's brain decided to stop working at all. Dean didn't fight it, he just closed his eyes, enjoying every little sensation Castiel was giving him. Right now there was nothing more in the entire world but two of them, and even they were nothing more than a composition of touches in a pile of entangled limbs. In a moment Dean could feel the angel moved his legs apart, settling between them, he could feel something warm and moist poking into his entrance, before starting to push inside.

Castiel entered Dean slowly but without preparation, probably even not knowing about this little detail. Dean wasn't sure was it because of the sufficient amount of oil, the angel applied on his member or may be something else, but surprisingly, Dean didn't feel any pain. Yet again he couldn't honestly say that the feeling was all pleasant, because mostly it wasn't. It was just, well, hot to feel the angel thrusting inside, filling Dean again and again with the hard line of his cock.

Dean moaned clenching into the sheet with his fists and opened his eyes to see his lover. The sight before him was hot and beautiful at the same time: whole Castiel's body was shaking, covered in sweat, his thrusts were fast, slightly arrhythmical as it seemed Castiel was moving relying only on the physical need of the friction, gasping and moaning as he was doing so. Dean still couldn't feel much pleasure in the process, but he enjoyed it a lot anyway, as the idea of being taken by Castiel was totally mind blowing.

Gathering the last strength left in his body, Dean wrapped his hands around smaller man's neck, bringing him to another kiss, the movement made Castiel lift the hunter's hips up, changing the angle of his thrusts and suddenly Castiel's member hit something inside the taller man, that send a volt of unbelievable pleasure through Dean's entire body, making him groan and arch his back up.

Castiel most likely noticed it, as all of his next thrusts were aimed to this exact spot, making the hunter moan loudly, not even care if someone could hear him. Although for their both luck, all noised emitted from both men were muffled by each-other lips.

The temperature in the study was rising in a fast progression, or maybe it was only Dean's imagination. Hunter's nose were filled with a mix smell of sweat and jasmine, swirling around two lovers in a hot air of the living room, making Dean's head light and buzzed like from alcohol. Every Castiel move was sending electrical discharges through Dean's entire body, making taller man closer with every second. When the hunter was on the edge, he gasped for air and held his breath, trying to concentrate only on the physical feelings. Castiel even hadn't touched his cock, but the hunter was close, so close.

Several more thrusts and the whole Dean's body curved in a spasm as he came untouched all over his and Castiel's abdomens, shouting angel's name and even if he didn't remember any other orgasms he had been able to reach with someone but his right hand, he still was pretty convinced, that this one was the best in his live.

Castiel didn't stop thrusting after Dean was undone, it should've been his second time for the evening, so it wasn't surprising that the second orgasm took him some time to reach. Dean was watching his lover's face, how many emotions were depicted on it at once. Dean felt like he started to zone out of how worn off he was, but he was fighting it as much as he could, wanting to see the angel come.

It took Castiel something like a half a minute more before his cock became stone-like hard inside Dean's body and his movements lost any kind of rhythm. "Come one Cas, come for me…" the hunter whispered, rubbing angel's shoulders, slightly scratching them with his nails.

Dean's words probably reached Castiel's attention and the next moment he cried out Dean's name, tensing every muscle on his body, trembling, as his cock started to twitch, filling Dean with the second for the evening load of cum.

Right after the climax, Castiel fell down on top of the hunter, breathing hard and still shaking then he rolled from the other man's body landing from the left side of him, still clenching into Dean and covering the hunter's face with kisses.

"Dean…" He was whispering, "Dean, Dean, Dean…" as if he forgot any other word than the hunter's name.

"Cas…" Dean replied lazily, closing his eyes and pressing himself against angel's hot body.

Dean felt all dirty of sweat and cum, the feeling of something leaking from his ass was terribly uncomfortable, but the hunter just couldn't move. He had no idea how he would feel tomorrow, and he didn't care. He even didn't have time to notice how the dim light of the study faded around him and he fell asleep, holding the angel in his arms.

~ooo~

Castiel was laying still in Dean's arms, his mind inundate with hundreds of different emotions, most of which was contradicting another. He felt love. Yes, he knew that he had been able to experience this feeling even before, probably it started to born within him at the first moment he saw Dean in Hell, where his soul was shining bright even after all the things the hunter had done in the Pit. Dean was always the righteous man, even if he himself never agreed to it. But this time it was different – for the first time Castiel not only loved, but was loved as well. He didn't know it before, he couldn't see. Dean was hiding it somewhere so deep, that he probably had never been able to find it himself. And all this time, he had been so cold to the angel, that sometimes Castiel though that Dean even didn't consider him a friend, just using him when he was in need. But now, now Castiel knew how wrong he was.

Castiel had to be happy about it, but he wasn't as a strong feeling of guilt was tearing his hear apart.

He looked at Dean, trying to memories every single feature of his face. The hunter was asleep and looked peaceful, even happy. Today he was so much tired, that he even wasn't going to see any dreams, but even if he would, it would be only good ones. Castiel could be thankful at least for that.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered quietly, petting nape of hunter's head. "I'm so very sorry, Dean."

He hesitated for a moment, but then placed his palm on Dean's forehead, reaching carefully to his mind with own grace. Thousands of memories, flashed through Castiel's eyes in an abundant stream. There were memories of Dean's childhood, of his father. There were thoughts of a blond girl from one of the school Dean had been studding, there were memories of his brother, of their time spent together in foul and fair, memories of hunts. There were good memories, about people Dean loved, but nearly every single of them was ending in terrible memories of their death. And of course there were memories of the time Dean spent in Hell. But those memories were crossing with ones about Castiel. Those memories were not like any other; those memories were warm and bright, filled with such care. The only person in the whole world Dean cared as much as he cared about the angel was only his younger brother. Dean loved Castiel, and now the angel knew it.

If only he knew it earlier…

Castiel let the memories swirl around him for a moment, before letting them go, settling back in hunter's mind. He sighed, closing his eyes then he leaned down placing a soft kiss on Dean's cheek. "If only things could be different." He whispered.

The angel didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay here, in Dean's hands, not thinking about past or future. Not thinking about the war or Raphael, but he knew that he couldn't, he had to go forward, had to fight to save the world and Dean.

"I love you Dean, I always did." Castiel murmured, petting hunter's cheek. "And I always will." He added, before flapping his wings and disappearing, leaving Dean to lay alone in the study of Bobby's house.

The room where he appeared was cold, with a distinctive smell of blood and rotting flash. A short figure of a man was standing in the middle with a knife in his hands, a chair with a tied up creature before him. When the man noticed the angel, he turned his head, giving a small smile.

"So, Castiel," he greened, "a birdie just brought me some interesting news…"

Castiel was standing still, not showing any emotions on his face as he watched every movement of the King of Hell.

"It said that Dean Winchester suddenly received his lost memories back. No longer then… "Crowley looked at the watches on his arm. "…five minutes ago!"

A sudden flash of lightning ran thought the room filling it with bright white light. In an eye blink Castiel was standing in front of the demon, holding him by lapels of his black suite. "How did you know it? It was you! You sent those demons to erase Dean's memories didn't you?" Castiel asked, groaning in anger. "You made him forget on a purpose!"

"Oh, and then you _**accidentally**_ forgot that you're an angel and can return any memory back, and recollected it only three weeks after. What made you change your mind? Oh wait, don't answer that! I can _**smell**_ the answer all over you!" Crowley smirked. "And… Jasmine oil? How romantic!" He grinned.

"It's not your business!" The angel growled, slamming the demon against the nearest wall.

"Sure, thing, darling" Crowley nodded, "But is he really so good in a sack, THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING?" The last part of the sentence Crowley turned into yell, staring Castiel right in the eyes, with even more anger that Castiel was currently possessing.

The angel released the demon, turning away from him. "This will change nothing." He groaned. "They think you're dead, they won't come after you."

"I hope it will stay this way." Crowley said disgruntled to an empty spot, as Castiel was already gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Epilogue**

**One Month Later**

Dean was pacing the study with mix of nervousness and anger crossing his face, rubbing his chin with his hand. His second hand was squeezing the cold surface of an angel blade which had been given to him by Castiel no longer than ten minutes ago. The angel himself was sitting on the couch, eyes closed. For the last ten minutes he hadn't moved a single inch, only the slight rise and descent of his chest could indicate that the angel was still alive. The room was dark, eliminated only by a dim moonlight soaking through the large window falling down on Castiel's skin, covering it with silvery tones.

"You're an asshole, you know?" Groaned Dean, trying to being as quite as he could, to not to wake up anyone.

"Your insults won't change the matter of the subject, Dean" Replied Castiel. His tone was calm, unruffled.

Dean still couldn't believe anything he heard from Castiel. The angel was working with Crowley… Crowley! Together they were trying to open the Purgatory, to get souls. Together, they were killing virgins, to get to the Eve and all the blood of hundreds of innocent people she had spilled was on Castiel's hands.

"Why did you do this to me?" Dean groaned again, trying to fight his tears.

"Because I could no longer lie to you, Dean." Castiel explained.

It had been a month, a whole freaking month since Dean had seen Castiel the last time, the night they slept together. Next morning after Dean woke up suddenly with the memories of whole his life returned. He had never called Castiel since then and Castiel had never come to visit. It was like a silent agreement to not to talk about it, and try to forget that the night they spent together was actually real.

But with every day passing Dean felt worse and worse, as the thoughts about Castiel were slowly killing him. There had been several hunts he attended which helped him to think about something else, but they were rare. To tell the truth Dean didn't regret anything, in fact, more he was thinking about it, more he realized that he wasn't disgusted at all - he actually enjoyed it. And as he could recollect every single word he said to Castiel during those three weeks, he perfectly knew that every single one of them was true.

"You son of a bitch, Cas." Dean sighed settling on a couch beside the angel, glancing at the shiny surface of the angel blade. "You know that I can't do it!"

"Why?" Castiel simply asked, not a single muscle moved in his body. "I deserved it."

One hour ago Castiel appeared in Bobby's house in the middle of the night, waking Dean up. Dean was surprised to see the angel as he thought that Castiel didn't want anything with Dean any longer. As the matter of fact it was Dean who ended confessing his feelings the night one month ago, Castiel never replied to that. He never said he loved Dean back.

Dean thought Castiel arrived to talk, and they had talked, but not about what happened between them: Castiel just kneeled before the hunter and started to tell the truth about everything he had done for the last year. Then he gave Dean his blade and said that Dean should be the one who will decide his fate.

"I told you why." Dean chuckled sarcastically.

"I believe that I missed that moment."

"Yeah, Cas… You missed it, it was a _**month**_ ago."

Castiel opened his eyes and sighed before slowly moving his hand towards Dean's in a search of any kind of contact. He was careful, like he was afraid that Dean could jerk his hand away, but Dean didn't.

"If I stop now, it may destroy the world." Castiel said. "Raphael can win; Lucifer and Michael will be free once again. But I _**will**_ stop if you tell me to do so. I don't know what will happen to the world, but I will protect you till the end of my days."

Dean's heart leaped in his chest at those words and he squeezed Castiel's hand in his own. He was still in shock after everything Castiel had told him, still couldn't believe that the angel had lied to him. The emotions were swirling inside him and Dean just couldn't pick a one which would be more appropriate to feel in the situation like this. But may be because he was tired, or may be because something else, he just turned towards the angel and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I'm not gonna let you shift the responsibility on my shoulders, Cas." Dean said after tearing the kiss. "You will be the one who will decide what to do. Also, I won't be able to forgive you any time soon." Dean paused sighing. "But I just want you to know, that anything you choose, I will be by your side."

Castiel looked Dean in the eyes, and grabbed him for another kiss. The kiss never turned into anything else that night, they were just sitting in each-other's arms till the sun started to slowly rise on the horizon. Not a single more word had been spoken tonight, but the hunter and the angel didn't need any more words.

**The End**


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